If you care about your workplace relationships, you probably won’t ever have a juicy quitting story. Telling your boss off, waving goodbye to that annoying co-worker and throwing your to-do list in the trash might feel good at the time, but isn’t prudent in the long-run.
Quitting on a good note, though, can be challenging. Especially if you’re leaving after a negative experience, like being passed over for a promotion or generally mistreated.
Regardless of how you actually feel about your company or manager, your resignation “has to be wrapped in gratitude,” says Keita Williams, the founder of Success Bully, a career coaching company.
“In those moments of deep disappointment and inequity and rage, that’s when we have to practice that internal regulation,” Williams says.
She suggests starting with the phrase: “Thank you for this opportunity.”
‘Minimize the blame that someone could have’
Instead of emphasizing why you’re leaving, focus on what you gained from your experience. To do this, Williams offers the following script:
“Thank you for this opportunity. I learned [insert skills you cultivated] and I’ve grown in [insert lessons you will take away], and I look forward to nurturing our relationship in the future.”
It’s might be smart to attribute your departure to a longer term mission or passion, says Matt Abrahams, a Stanford University lecturer and communications expert. This could look like expressing excitement about a facet of your new job that your current role doesn’t provide. If you’re quitting with no opportunity lined up, you can say you want to focus on travel or family.
“You, in essence, are blaming the reasons you’re leaving on some goal or other aspect of your life,” he says. “Minimize the blame that someone could have by focusing on something you want to pursue.”
Even if your managers don’t totally buy it, there’s not much they can say. “It’s hard to tell somebody ‘Don’t pursue your dreams,'” Abrahams says.
‘Think of yourself as a brand’
Still, it can be hard to keep your cool when you feel you’ve been continuously undervalued. To quell some of that frustration, it might help to mentally reframe the goal of the conversation beforehand.
You’re not there to reprimand your company or boss, Williams says. You’re there to protect yourself and your future job opportunities. You don’t know how people might play into your career down the line, and it’s best that the last impression they have of you isn’t distinctly negative.
“Think of yourself as a brand and how you want to be perceived or remembered,” she says. “Your response and the way you handle things should be through that lens.”
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