Almost all of us dread growing old. Disproven stereotypes about older individuals still persist, and many younger people don’t realize how different aging is today compared to their grandparents’ experiences.
But through my research and numerous studies, I have found that most older adults in their 80s will be happier than people in their 70s, and those in their 70s are generally happier than those in their 60s. It may seem hard to believe, but it’s true! Of course, this can be different for those without basic financial security.
Based on my interviews with 150 people in their 70s, 80s and 90s, and from my many conversations with people at my retirement community and town, here are five unexpected things that truly surprised us about getting older.
1. You realize that modern medicine has transformed old age.
Older people today have better access to pain management options, thanks to a wide range of available medications. As a result, we elders can continue to be more active.
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On average, we live longer and enjoy a significantly better quality of life compared to our parents and grandparents. For example, my parents died at 65 and 72.
Many health conditions can be successfully treated and managed. We elders get new knees, hips and shoulders. We have hearing aids that actually work and procedures to remove cataracts.
It does take many doctors to keep us up and running. In the last four months, I had a second bout of Covid and have fallen twice. I’ve had appointments with my primary care physician, orthopedist, dermatologist, ophthalmologist and dentist.
But this week, I went to three exercise classes and walked more than a mile and a half on two other days.
2. You continue to learn and develop.
Many folks believe you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I assumed that at about age 40 or 45, people started to decline and that it was all downhill from then on.
However, today we have a better understanding of the aging brain and neuroplasticity, which is the brain’s ability to grow and reorganize its neural networks. In other words, our brains can continue to develop and heal over time.
Older people can keep learning, even if it takes us longer than younger people to do so. We can stay sharp by stimulating our brains. Engaging in new activities is especially beneficial for this purpose. For me, these activities include conversational French and taking a Zumba class.
3. You become more grateful and content.
A popular toast at my retirement community is, “Here’s to everything that still is working!”
Many of us elders tend to see the glass as half full and consciously choose to maintain a positive attitude. This is the paradox of aging. Despite the loss of loved ones and a decline in our own capabilities, surprisingly, our mental health and sense of well-being usually improves.
We feel grateful and content with what we have. We recognize that we are lucky to be alive — less than 2% of Americans make it to age 90. As a result, we don’t want to waste a single second complaining.
4. You live in the present moment.
As we age, particularly into our late 70s and 80s, we rarely make plans that extend further than 18 months into the future. The uncertainties of life makes us avoid long-term planning, even though we may live for many more years.
We also don’t spend much time dwelling on our past. Interestingly, by 75 or 80, many of us have very few regrets. We have made peace with all that has happened to us and the choices we have made. We rarely find ourselves wishing we had married someone else or changed careers.
Nowadays, our conversations revolve more around sports and TV shows than our past jobs or adventures. We enjoy the simple pleasures of life like coffee with a friend, taking a walk around the block, and admiring a starry sky. We only have this moment.
5. What really brings you joy are your relationships.
When we were younger, most of us wanted to have a nice house and enough money. We worked hard, strived to achieve our goals and took care of our families. For years, we were too busy and rushed to fully enjoy our lives.
Today, most of us have shed demanding jobs and as many responsibilities as we can. Finally, we have the gift of time, and spending time with our families is the highlight of our lives.
Families can include those we’ve had all along as well as those we’ve created. Some of us, like me, find a new love partner. We adore the young children and babies in our lives. Surprisingly, friends also become even more important as we age.
Friends, there is much to look forward to as you age, and the research suggests you will be happier, too.
Katharine Esty, PhD, trained as a social worker and social psychologist, and was a practicing psychotherapist for 30 years. She is the author of the bestselling book “Eightysomethings: A Practical Guide to Letting Go, Aging Well, and Finding Unexpected Happiness.” As a recognized expert on aging well and family dynamics, her views have been featured in Psychology Today, CNN and The Wall Street Journal.
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