Working for (or with) someone who scrutinizes everything you do and demands that you run it past them for approval can push anyone to the brink. But don’t despair.
I’m the author of “Managing Up: How to Get What You Need From the People in Charge,” a human behavior professor, and an executive coach who’s spent the last 15 years coaching leaders at Google, Amazon, and other Fortune 500 companies.
I’ve seen firsthand how difficult it can be for people to navigate the challenges of working with a control freak. I teach them some simple strategies to make the situation work in their favor — without leaving them exhausted and frustrated every day.
If you also work for an controlling and impatient taskmaster, try these five steps:
1. Run with rough drafts
Rather than toiling away for days — or weeks — to craft the perfect deliverable, do a first pass and say, “Here’s what I’ve put together so far. It’s a bit rough around the edges, but I wanted to capture the core ideas and structure so we can shape it into something outstanding.”
Your boss will be happy to have input, and you’ll conserve your energy.
2. Reinforce their authority
Use phrases like, “What we ultimately do is up to you,” or, “I’ll share my two cents so that you can make the final decision.” This allows you to emphasize you know who’s the boss.
Pose your ideas as inquiries. Try, “What if…” or, “How about we…” Asking questions in conversation boosts feelings of control in the other person, which is called the question-behavior effect in psychology.
3. Overshare
Send a breakdown of items you plan to tackle each week every Monday or shoot over a quick heads-up if you’ll be late to a meeting. While sometimes tedious, sharing this information will satiate your boss’s desire for oversight, while saving you the effort of justifying yourself later:
You might share your update with: “To keep you in the loop about our progress, I’ve prepped a weekly status memo with a snapshot of recent developments.” Or say: “I’m confirming that we’re moving ahead with [X]. Let me know by Friday if there are any changes.”
4. Get ahead of their criticism
You might say, “I’m planning to approach [X task] this way. Do you have initial thoughts?” When your boss corrects you, use the classic “yes, and…” improv technique. Acknowledge their input (“yes”) and then add your perspective or suggestion (“and”) to subtly assert your ideas while taking their feedback into account.
It might sound like this: “Yes, I appreciate the need to be more concise in my emails, and I believe a brief context section is still beneficial for clarity, especially for people less familiar with the project.”
5. Ask for the praise you need
Try emphasizing the significance of their approval: “I enjoy hearing how I can improve. It’s also important for me to know what’s going well so I can do more of that. Is there room for you to share your perspective on what I’m getting right, or do you prefer to keep the focus on what needs adjusting?”
Melody Wilding, LMSW is an executive coach, human behavior professor, and author of “Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge.” Get her free training, 5 Steps to Speak Like a Senior Leader, here.
Want to catch up on our CNBC Make It Book Club discussion with Melody Wilding? The author joined us recently to answer questions about “Managing Up.” Scroll through the conversation in the comments of this LinkedIn post (you’ll need to join our private group first, which you can do here).
Hoping to join us next time? Our October pick is “The 5 Types of Wealth: A Transformative Guide to Design Your Dream Life” by Sahil Bloom. He’ll chat with us on Wednesday, October 29, at 10 a.m. ET. Drop questions for Bloom in the comments of this LinkedIn post (again, you’ll need to join our private group first, which you can do here). Or email them to us in advance at askmakeit@cnbc.com, using the subject line “Question for Sahil Bloom.”
Have suggestions for future picks? Send them to us at askmakeit@cnbc.com, using the subject line “Make It book club suggestion.”
Excerpted from “Managing Up” by Melody Wilding. Copyright © 2025 by Melody Wilding. Published in the United States by Crown Currency, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC.
